The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRU

Tag: women

8 REASONS I SHOULDN’T OF SLEPT WITH HIM

by ThePeopleISleptWith

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1) He tipped in change, 50 cents to be exact.

2) He told me he already ate when I said I was hungry.

3) He sarcastically suggested a threesome 4 times. Joking or not, one time was more than enough.

4) When the bartender handed me the wrong drink he said, ” She’ll just drink that.” Oh, okay.

5) The nicest thing he said about me was that I had a nice butt.

6) He ordered the exact amount of beers that I said would get me drunk.

7) He clearly does not know the difference between confident man and conceited asshole.

8) He asked me if I came. If you have to ask the answer is no.

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Forbidden Fruit

by ThePeopleISleptWith

We made plans to eat an edible and walk around the Museum of Natural History one Saturday. We split the THC chocolate bar in half and an hour later I realized you may have ate too much. I took a look at the box. The directions clearly stated that a serving size was 1/8th of the bar, ooops.  I grabbed your hand and we made our way up to the dinosaur exhibit. “Oh I get it,” you stated. “Get what?” “Dinosaurs.” You went on to tell me how people planted fake fossils to mess with everyone. I laughed it off as a high thought.

The next night you came to my apartment, in an area of Brooklyn you most likely never stepped foot in. I spent the night prior scrubbing and reorganizing my apartment in order to create the illusion that I was a mature adult woman but my efforts went unnoticed. Plastic furniture and dinosaur toys just aren’t for adults. You didn’t seem to mind because you sat right on my bed, that laid on the floor without a box spring. We started making out and while I was shaved and ready for penetration I didn’t think you would have been down but I was wrong. You looked me in the eye slowly removed your yamaka while making you way down my body. You started going down on me. I looked at the yamaka upside down on my floor, looked back at you and smiled at the God I don’t believe in.

After we had sex as I laid in your arms you brought up dinosaurs again. Well I mean my walls are covered in pictures of them so I can see where the thought came from. Turns out you seriously didn’t believe in dinosaurs. I spent the night trying to prove you wrong but it didn’t work. Our short relationship ended when I was unable to expand your mind and you were unable to close mine. There was no way I could continuing dating someone who doesn’t believe in dinosaurs.

THE PERSON I’M GLAD I DIDN’T SLEEP WITH

by ThePeopleISleptWith

We were celebrating the end of mid-terms at a bar close to school.  We spent the entire night isolated in the corner talking about our goals while our classmates mingled. He rested his hand on my leg as he gazed into my eyes, making me feel like I was the only person in the room. He invited me back to his apartment to watch Django Unchained .. although I had a feeling that wasn’t the real plan. We sat on his couch in silence until I made a comment about Jamie Foxx’s amazing penis. “Ha, what about this?” He said as he took my hand and placed it on his dick. The ball was in my court but WHAT WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO? I wanted him since the first day of class but certainly not like this. When I touch a penis I prefer for it it to be my decision. In a state of shock I starred forward avoiding eye contact. I guess I thought maybe if I ignored it we could pretend it never happened. After a very uncomfortable 30 seconds I moved my hand and stood up. I told him I needed to go home and he hugged me goodbye. Sadly, the cute boy from class is now the boy I’m glad I didn’t sleep with.

SUBMITTED POST: BAD TIMING

by ThePeopleISleptWith

After a year of dating I decided to try anal sex with my boyfriend. Even though I read a few unforgettable horror stories I also knew some women who really enjoyed it, so why not? I prepared for it like a research paper, reading blogs and finding the best lubricant. It went surprisingly well and I woke up the next morning feeling happy and satisfied, aside from the slight discomfort and cramping. Before I got the chance to share the juicy story with my female co-workers I was rushed off to morning meeting. We sat around a square table in the conference room discussing our goals for the day when the trapped air from the night before released without warning. In other words I farted, a few of my co-workers knew exactly why and couldn’t help but giggle. Air is pushed into the area by the in and out motion….  the air had to go somewhere, it’s anatomy. Your body simply needs to return to its unexpanded state… I just wish it could of happened at a better time.

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bad timing

AMERICAN PSYCHO

by ThePeopleISleptWith

One Friday night my F-buddy “offered me a ride home.” We went to my place since I could easily sneak him into my room. I was particularly excited that night because it’d been a while since the last time we hooked up and my period had JUST ended. After he left, I turned the light on to change into my PJ’s and I noticed that the condom he’d worn was on the floor next to my bed… it was red. My first thought was that it was a flavored condom, but when I grabbed a tissue to pick it up, I realized it was blood. My blood. FROM MY VAGINA. I pulled the comforter off my bed and was immediately mortified. It looked like someone had been murdered.. like a scene from American Psycho. Apparently, Aunt Flo wasn’t gone like I thought she was. That was when I realized that he kept his shirt on while we had sex. I went into a panic. What if I’d gotten blood on his shirt? WHAT IF I GOT BLOOD ON HIM?!?!?!

Image– Anonymous

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