After a few drinks our casual conversation took a sharp turn. I promised myself I would never go back down that road, but he had quite a way with words…. that is if you consider “I’ll make sure you cum,” a way with words. He officially caught my attention. With every Pickleback shot I took I sent an increasingly suggestive text. I went to bed giddy but woke up full of regret. What my drunk brain perceived as charming in the light of day was clearly cocky. “You love my penis,” – neither endearing nor true. Thanks to me his head grew 3 sizes that day. I had no choice but to delete all the drunk sexts and pretend they never happened.
This guy and I met in college. He was in pre-nursing, I was a psych major. We had class together every Tuesday and Thursday. I worked full-time in retail and he worked on campus as security. After some time in a class group together, we managed grab dinner and drinks. We’d often go to a local dive bar because those are the best. He was a nice guy and often witty. One night we found ourselves back on campus looking for a good spot to screw. We decided the practice football field would be perfect. It started raining so we stayed in the car. He was sitting in the passenger seat, I was straddling him. As my top came off I asked, “What if security finds us?” He replied in a deep, slow, sexy, sultry voice: “Baby, I am security”. We both cracked up and had the best time fucking in the parking lot.
For us bickering was foreplay. Was it our sarcastic nature, desire to disagree, or did we actually just hate each-other? Regardless, we certainly liked having sex. If you over heard or read our conversations you would think we were both conceited assholes. I never called him “Babe” just “Idiot” or “Jerk.” No conversation ever started with “Hey,” they started with ” F U,” or “Shut up.” Instead of simply saying what he wanted he argued that I wanted it more, even when he started the conversation.. I guess he must of had the ability to read my mind. I can’t explain why but I liked being told what I wanted…. strictly in the bedroom that is. Although we constantly insulted and made fun of each-other… the sex was certainly no joke.
The antagonizing even continued the second it was over. He would always ask me how it was and regardless of how good it was I would respond “eh mediocre.”
At first I flirted and put on the moves, fluttering my eyelashes, playing with my hair, the usual bullshit ingrained in the female genome. But it soon became clear he was only interested in the sound of his own voice – he must have forgotten that he company. I became bored and miraculously he noticed – so mid-yawn, he suggests I take him home. I shrugged my shoulders and nodded. I was ready for bed, with or without company. The poor bastard decided to finally pay me attention, which I was happy to receive. He worked so hard to keep me interested, alas only for his penis to fail him at the most crucial moment. Small and soft, he shook his head in embarrassment. I rolled over, told him where the nearest train station was, and fell asleep.
After a night of sexting I decided to re-read the conversation. ” CANTT WAIT TO RIP OFF ALL UR CLOTHES,” was the last text. I scrolled up for a while covering my mouth with shock every few seconds. Okay… we defiantly meant the things we said but there is just something wrong with… ” I WANA B INSIDE U MAD BAD.” Type out BE.. it’s so simple, it’s just one extra letter, half a second out of your life. If you do want to be inside me MAD bad check your grammar. I’m not your bro.. we are talking about sex. ” I WANNA FCK U” Oh really!? You want to FCK me. We are sexting I don’t need you to be Romeo.. just text like the literate grown up you are.
It was clear that he was beyond hammered when I picked him up from his co-workers party. We had been hanging out for a few weeks and this was the first time I saw him drunk. He could barely communicate with me, but insisted on making out with my tits at every red light.. whether there was a car next to us or not. I had planned to sleep at his house but when we got there he was out cold. It was the first time I saw this overly confident/cocky guy completely helpless. I put his arm around my neck and attempted to escort him into his house, but he was all dead weight. I tried slapping him, blasting music, twisting his nipples.. nothing worked. There was no way I alone could get him out of my car, let alone into his house. After 30 minutes of trying to wake him up I gave up. I wanted to sleep. I drove back to my house and since there was no way I was even going to attempt to bring him inside for my parents to see I left him in my car…. with the window open. I assumed he would wake up confused so I left a note on his chest with a White Castle receipt.