The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRU

Tag: penis

“IT DOESN’T FIT”

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I kneeled on all fours as he “made love” to me like an animal. This would have been fine if he wasn’t humping me as fast a dog would hump a leg. Although hard and fast sex could be exciting and enjoyable this was not one of those times – parked behind abandoned store in the middle of the day..  it could not have been less sexy. As we drove away he looked at me and said, “It doesn’t fit.” I had no idea what he was talking about. “When I fuck you from behind it doesn’t fit, I can tell, you were fidgeting,” he said proud of his apparently HUGE penis. I explained to him that it was fine, it just didn’t feel good that fast at that moment. Of course he refused to believe me and went on to brag to his friends about how his penis would not fit inside me from behind. The problem was not the size of the wave at all… just the rapid jack-hammering motion of the ocean.

the sweetest thing

THE PERSON I’M GLAD I DIDN’T SLEEP WITH

by ThePeopleISleptWith

We were celebrating the end of mid-terms at a bar close to school.  We spent the entire night isolated in the corner talking about our goals while our classmates mingled. He rested his hand on my leg as he gazed into my eyes, making me feel like I was the only person in the room. He invited me back to his apartment to watch Django Unchained .. although I had a feeling that wasn’t the real plan. We sat on his couch in silence until I made a comment about Jamie Foxx’s amazing penis. “Ha, what about this?” He said as he took my hand and placed it on his dick. The ball was in my court but WHAT WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO? I wanted him since the first day of class but certainly not like this. When I touch a penis I prefer for it it to be my decision. In a state of shock I starred forward avoiding eye contact. I guess I thought maybe if I ignored it we could pretend it never happened. After a very uncomfortable 30 seconds I moved my hand and stood up. I told him I needed to go home and he hugged me goodbye. Sadly, the cute boy from class is now the boy I’m glad I didn’t sleep with.

SUBMITTED POST: BAD TIMING

by ThePeopleISleptWith

After a year of dating I decided to try anal sex with my boyfriend. Even though I read a few unforgettable horror stories I also knew some women who really enjoyed it, so why not? I prepared for it like a research paper, reading blogs and finding the best lubricant. It went surprisingly well and I woke up the next morning feeling happy and satisfied, aside from the slight discomfort and cramping. Before I got the chance to share the juicy story with my female co-workers I was rushed off to morning meeting. We sat around a square table in the conference room discussing our goals for the day when the trapped air from the night before released without warning. In other words I farted, a few of my co-workers knew exactly why and couldn’t help but giggle. Air is pushed into the area by the in and out motion….  the air had to go somewhere, it’s anatomy. Your body simply needs to return to its unexpanded state… I just wish it could of happened at a better time.

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bad timing

CUM CUM ON THE KICK DRUM?

by ThePeopleISleptWith

He lived in a frat house that I use to party at occasionally. Although we were just friends our drunken nights usually ended with a sloppy make-out session. I never thought much of it until one night. I had way too much to drink and my friends were still raging so he suggested I take a nap on his bed. I passed out only seconds after my head touched the pillow. Around 5 hours later, awake but too hungover to move, I heard the door open. Before I could sit up he walked in front of me and started to undress. To avoid an awkward situation I pretended to be asleep. He told me earlier he would wake me up eventually but instead he got into bed… naked. As I laid there on my stomach waiting for the right moment to escape I felt something taping on my butt like a drumstick… his penis. I really hope he was just that drunk.. if I had penis I wouldn’t do creepy shit like that. WAS HE TRYING INTICE ME? JERK OFF?  I don’t know what it’s like to have a dick, but it can’t be enjoyable to lightly tap it on a unaware, fully dressed person. I tried fidgeting and yawning so we would stop but he kept it up for 5 minutes.  Seconds after he fell asleep I ran out the door and never, ever went to another party there.

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