The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRUE. Only names, dates and locations were changed to protect the fragile male ego.

Tag: oral sex

SURPRISE!

by ThePeopleISleptWith

After a night of drinking my boyfriend and I went back to his apartment to hook up. While I was going on him he was trying to tell me something but I couldn’t decode his slurred-drunken speech. He sounded like he was enjoying what I was doing so I kept going.

Not long after he mumbled again, but this time is sounded like a question. I naively nodded …. I wasn’t about to take his dick out of my mouth and ask him to repeat himself. A second later he pulled out and came all over my face and hair. I stood there in shock, covered in semen. Apparently he was asking me if he could cum on my face.

LESSON LEARNED: KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING YES TO. 

Forbidden Fruit

by ThePeopleISleptWith

My orthodox Jewish boyfriend took me on a date to the Museum of Natural History. Things were going great as we walked hand in hand admiring each exhibit. When we arrived at the dinosaur exhibit he dropped a bombshell on me. He told me that he did not believe in dinosaurs. Then went on for 20 minutes stating with utter certainty that fossils were planted by people to trick dumb people. I laughed it off praying he was just making a very bad joke.

A week later he came to my apartment, in an area of Brooklyn he most likely never stepped foot in. I spent the night prior scrubbing and reorganizing my apartment in order to create the illusion that I was a mature adult woman but my efforts went unnoticed. Plastic furniture, shark posters and dinosaur toys just aren’t for adults. He walked in and sat right on my bed, that laid on the floor without a box spring.

We started making out then he looked me in the eyes slowly removed his yamaka and made his way down my body. He started going down on me and I never felt so powerful. I looked at the yamaka upside down on my floor, back at him and smiled at the God I don’t believe in.

After we had sex as I laid in his arms he brought up dinosaurs again. My ceiling were covered in glow in the dark prehistoric creatures so I can see where the thought came from. Turns out he wasn’t joking he seriously didn’t believe in dinosaurs. I spent the night trying to prove him wrong.. unsuccessfully. I could get behind not pushing buttons on Saturday but no dinosaurs.. no way.

Our short relationship ended when I was unable to expand his mind and he was unable to close mine. There was no way I could continuing dating someone who doesn’t believe in dinosaurs.

OH BABY I LIKE IT RAW

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Shortly after consuming three rolls of Sushi and four Sake Bombs I pulled my date into his bedroom. I had recently learned a new move – the “Gluck Gluck 9000” and I was ready to try it out. I began giving it my all… a pathetic attempt to make this mediocre man obsessed with me. Things seemed to be going according to plan when suddenly I felt queasy. At first I tried push through knowing I was only moments away from a triumph finish.

Please cum before I vomit I prayed, sweat dripping from my forehead as I performed the “Gluck Gluck” like a professional. I wasn’t about to walk away… all that hard work for nothing…no way. I had a job to finish so I kept going. Each second he was closer to cumming and I was closer to vomiting privately in the comfort of the bathroom. Just as I saw the light at the end of this nauseating tunnel I lost control. He came as I waited for him to notice the small but noticeable amount of regurgitated Sushi on his dick. Luckily for me he had no idea.. that or he’s pretending that it never happened, either way lesson learned. 

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GAME OVER

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I went down on him while he sat in the front seat of his car. I could hear the voices of our friends playing beer-pong and the music from the party we ditched. The voices grew closer as his moans grew more intense.  Don’t gag, don’t gag… I prayed as I gave it my all. I must have been too distracted by his ball sweat.. wondering if he even showered that day to notice our friends were approaching the car. Without warning he pushed my head down, all the way, holding me there so they couldn’t could see. GAME OVER, I lifted my head up and jumped back. I put my clothes on, silently, avoiding eye contact as I waited for my friends to continue walking down the street. I left the car, glancing back at him giving him to chance to apologize then slammed the door.

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