The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRU

Tag: Men

SHE COULDN’T HAVE WAITED?

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Like most 17 year olds I had to find sneaky ways to have sex with my boyfriend in my parents house. Luckily we had a basement. It was the perfect place to have sex since you could hear the door open, leaving just enough time to get dressed… that was until one day. We were going at it, completely naked, with the TV blasting and didn’t hear my mom coming downstairs. One second everything was fine then out of nowhere there my mom was standing in the doorway, with a perfect view of my boyfriend’s ass. She screamed, “OH MY GOD!”  ran upstairs and slammed the door. Still inside me, he looked into my eyes and said, “What the fuck, she couldn’t have waited until I came?”

8 REASONS I SHOULDN’T OF SLEPT WITH HIM

by ThePeopleISleptWith

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1) He tipped in change, 50 cents to be exact.

2) He told me he already ate when I said I was hungry.

3) He sarcastically suggested a threesome 4 times. Joking or not, one time was more than enough.

4) When the bartender handed me the wrong drink he said, ” She’ll just drink that.” Oh, okay.

5) The nicest thing he said about me was that I had a nice butt.

6) He ordered the exact amount of beers that I said would get me drunk.

7) He clearly does not know the difference between confident man and conceited asshole.

8) He asked me if I came. If you have to ask the answer is no.

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DELETE ALL DRUNK SEXTS AND PRETEND THEY NEVER HAPPENED

by ThePeopleISleptWith

After a few drinks our casual conversation took a sharp turn. I promised myself I would never go back down that road, but he had quite a way with words…. that is if you consider “I’ll make sure you cum,” a way with words. He officially caught my attention. With every  Pickleback shot I took I sent an increasingly suggestive text. I went to bed giddy but woke up full of regret. What my drunk brain perceived as charming in the light of day was clearly cocky. “You love my penis,” – neither endearing nor true. Thanks to me his head grew 3 sizes that day. I had no choice but to delete all the drunk sexts and pretend they never happened.

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PUBIC HAIR STYLIST

by ThePeopleISleptWith

One day I came across an article about the different ways one can shave their pubic hair. Intrigued and bored I decided to try “The Martini Glass.” I’m not exactly the most artistic person, in-fact I’m awful but I tried my best. I was proud that it at least resembled a martini glass but it was far from perfect. I kept trying to even if out but I just kept making things worse. Eventually I forgot about my short-lived career as a pubic hair stylist and went about my day. That night I unexpectedly ran into my friend with benefits. I completely forgot about the deformed martini glass until he took off my underwear. Too late to do anything about it I decided to own it and play it off as a joke. He stared at it for a few seconds then laughed. I’m still unsure if he was laughing with me or at me.161918_217877070637_5073933_n

EAT GREAT, EVEN LATE.

by ThePeopleISleptWith

The second he walked through the door it was on. He ripped and I literally mean ripped my clothes off. We moved to the living-room where he bent me over my couch and inserted himself inside me. Just as things were heating up he farted. No not a silent-but-deadly, or a quick fart. A long and loud fart. My initial reaction was to laugh but when he ignored it I knew making a joke of it was out of the question. As I continued to fight the urge to laugh, which became increasingly harder with every thrust, I smelt it. I spent the next minute or so trying to figure out what he had for dinner. I detected a hint of TacoBell. To avoid cracking up I was forced to cover my mouth with my hand and eventually shoved my face into my couch cushion.. I expected him to make a joke about after he finished, instead he acted like it never happen.. even though the smell still lingered.

Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral

by ThePeopleISleptWith

We spent the majority of the afternoon making awkward eye contact from across the bar. After my fifth shot of Jameson he approached me. The second I heard his Irish accident I decided I was going to take him home. Nothing was going to get in my way. About an hour and half later we were stumbling into my apartment. One problem.. it was only 7pm and my roommate and her boyfriend were eating dinner in the living room. I went straight to the bathroom, quickly brushed my teeth and reapplied deodorant. I walked out feeling confident (AKA: drunk) and pulled him into my room in the middle of his conversation with my roommate. I don’t remember much but from what I was told we were pretty loud. My roommate and her boyfriend may have learned a little too much about me that evening and she’ll never let me live it down.