I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRUE. Only names, dates and locations were changed to protect the fragile male ego.
I pretended to be much more intoxicated than I was when I asked him for a ride home. He drove to my house, parked and invited me to the back seat. My plan was to kiss him, hopefully making him want more and then go straight to bed. But my lack of self control prevailed and I joined him in the backseat.
That’s when I saw my first uncut penis…. It was like a hermit crab coming out of its shell. A bald head popping threw a turtle neck. Was it attractive? No. But I’ve yet to see a dick that is. Most importantly it felt good. Fifteen minutes later I was fully satisfied and an advocate of the Uncircumcised Penis.
Lindsay Bluth, Arrested Development, said it best “It’s a Doberman, let it have its ears.”
What started as a casual conversation took a sharp turn around 11:00pm. I promised myself I wouldn’t go down this road again but had quite a way with words…. that is if you consider “I’ll make sure you cum,” a way with words. With every Pickleback shot I took I sent an increasingly suggestive text. I went to bed giddy but woke up full of regret. What my drunk brain perceived as charming in the light of day was quite the opposite. The angle of his dick pics were questionable and the “You love my penis,” text was neither endearing nor true. Thanks to me his head grew 3 sizes that day. I had no choice but to delete all the drunk sexts and pretend they never happened.