The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRUE. Only names, dates and locations were changed to protect the fragile male ego.

Tag: Health

“IT DOESN’T FIT”

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I kneeled on all fours as he “made love” to me in the back of my Jeep, parked next to a dumpster. This would have been fine if he wasn’t using the jack-hammering technique (often used by first timers or high-school boyfriends). “It doesn’t fit” he said, simultaneously lighting a cigarette and a joint. I had no idea what he was talking about.

“From behind, it doesn’t fit. I can tell -you were fidgeting a lot” he said, proud of his apparently massive penis. I explained that it was fine. “It was just too fast. It didn’t feel good.” He refused to believe me and went on to brag to his friends about how his penis would not fit inside of me from behind. It wasn’t the size… just the rapid jack-hammering motion of the ocean.

8 REASONS I SHOULDN’T HAVE SLEPT WITH HIM

by ThePeopleISleptWith

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1) He tipped in change. 50 cents to be exact.

2) He said “he already ate” when I mentioned being hungry.

3) He suggested a threesome with a friend I saw at the bar… four times.

4) When the bartender handed me the wrong drink he said, ” She’ll just drink that.”

5) He only complimented my butt.

6) He ordered the exact amount of beers that I said would get me drunk.

7) He wore the wrong size condom.

8) He asked me if I came. If you have to ask the answer is no.

—-> Instagram