The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRU

Tag: friends with benefits

Forbidden Fruit

by ThePeopleISleptWith

We made plans to eat an edible and walk around the Museum of Natural History one Saturday. We split the THC chocolate bar in half and an hour later I realized you may have ate too much. I took a look at the box. The directions clearly stated that a serving size was 1/8th of the bar, ooops.  I grabbed your hand and we made our way up to the dinosaur exhibit. “Oh I get it,” you stated. “Get what?” “Dinosaurs.” You went on to tell me how people planted fake fossils to mess with everyone. I laughed it off as a high thought.

The next night you came to my apartment, in an area of Brooklyn you most likely never stepped foot in. I spent the night prior scrubbing and reorganizing my apartment in order to create the illusion that I was a mature adult woman but my efforts went unnoticed. Plastic furniture and dinosaur toys just aren’t for adults. You didn’t seem to mind because you sat right on my bed, that laid on the floor without a box spring. We started making out and while I was shaved and ready for penetration I didn’t think you would have been down but I was wrong. You looked me in the eye slowly removed your yamaka while making you way down my body. You started going down on me. I looked at the yamaka upside down on my floor, looked back at you and smiled at the God I don’t believe in.

After we had sex as I laid in your arms you brought up dinosaurs again. Well I mean my walls are covered in pictures of them so I can see where the thought came from. Turns out you seriously didn’t believe in dinosaurs. I spent the night trying to prove you wrong but it didn’t work. Our short relationship ended when I was unable to expand your mind and you were unable to close mine. There was no way I could continuing dating someone who doesn’t believe in dinosaurs.

PUBIC HAIR STYLIST

by ThePeopleISleptWith

One day I came across an article about the different ways one can shave their pubic hair. Intrigued and bored I decided to try “The Martini Glass.” I’m not exactly the most artistic person, in-fact I’m awful but I tried my best. I was proud that it at least resembled a martini glass but it was far from perfect. I kept trying to even if out but I just kept making things worse. Eventually I forgot about my short-lived career as a pubic hair stylist and went about my day. That night I unexpectedly ran into my friend with benefits. I completely forgot about the deformed martini glass until he took off my underwear. Too late to do anything about it I decided to own it and play it off as a joke. He stared at it for a few seconds then laughed. I’m still unsure if he was laughing with me or at me.161918_217877070637_5073933_n

MEDIOCRE

by ThePeopleISleptWith

For us bickering was foreplay. Was it our sarcastic nature, desire to disagree, or did we actually just hate each-other? Regardless, we certainly liked having sex.  If you over heard or read our conversations you would think we were both conceited assholes. I never called him “Babe” just “Idiot” or  “Jerk.” No conversation ever started with “Hey,” they started with ” F U,” or “Shut up.”  Instead of simply saying what he wanted he argued that I wanted it more, even when he started the conversation..  I guess he must of had the ability to read my mind. I can’t explain why but I liked being told what I wanted…. strictly in the bedroom that is. Although we constantly insulted and made fun of each-other… the sex was certainly no joke.

The antagonizing even continued the second it was over. He would always ask me how it was and regardless of how good it was I would respond “eh mediocre.”

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AMERICAN PSYCHO

by ThePeopleISleptWith

One Friday night my F-buddy “offered me a ride home.” We went to my place since I could easily sneak him into my room. I was particularly excited that night because it’d been a while since the last time we hooked up and my period had JUST ended. After he left, I turned the light on to change into my PJ’s and I noticed that the condom he’d worn was on the floor next to my bed… it was red. My first thought was that it was a flavored condom, but when I grabbed a tissue to pick it up, I realized it was blood. My blood. FROM MY VAGINA. I pulled the comforter off my bed and was immediately mortified. It looked like someone had been murdered.. like a scene from American Psycho. Apparently, Aunt Flo wasn’t gone like I thought she was. That was when I realized that he kept his shirt on while we had sex. I went into a panic. What if I’d gotten blood on his shirt? WHAT IF I GOT BLOOD ON HIM?!?!?!

Image– Anonymous

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MY “FRIEND” WITH BENEFITS

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Friends with benefits: A fun sexual relationship between two friends……  that is until one is inevitability hurt by the other, ending the friendship for good.
He texted me at 2:09am to hang out. “Just come do it real quick.” SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE GENTLEMEN. If you’re trying to sleep with someone “real quick ” may not be the best way to persuade them. Yeah, lemme get out of my cozy bed for this quicky. “Don’t be difficult, ” he replied. I wasn’t trying to be difficult or play hard to get. I never asked for anything..for him I was never hard to get. For whatever reason he was under the impression that I was on call. A few disrespectful texts later it was clear we weren’t friends. It no longer mattered how good the sex was I couldn’t be a hole to stick his dick in “real quick” anymore.
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