The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRUE. Only names, dates and locations were changed to protect the fragile male ego.

Tag: ex-boyfriend

INTERNET STALKING

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I’m over him, no longer interested.. and I’m not just saying that to convince myself. It’s been a while I’ve had new dick but I NEED to know what his new girlfriend looks like. I’m not proud of this but it’s not like I’m driving past his house (only once) or calling him then hanging up (twice), it’s just an innocent click away. We all have done it. You click on her page because what else do you have to do? I KNOW – Why would you waste time and energy unless you’re threatened by it? Maybe because it’s just that easy. PROBLEM: Her Facebook page is private and the only thing I can see is 4 profile pictures.

PICTURE 1: The “I love my friends” group picture of 6 girls. No one really stands out.

PICTURE 2: The “Bestie” with 2 out of the 6 girls. Okay narrowed it down it down to 2.

PICTURE 3: The “Weird abstract angle with dim lighting.” Her long curly black hair not only covers most of her face but doesn’t match the hair of either 2 girls. DAMN IT.

PICTURE 4: An inspirational meme. USELESS.

After a few minutes of studying the few facial features I could see in picture 3 and searching twitter and Instagram, I gave up. Maybe it was for the best, I could of easily accidentally liked a picture or favorited a tweet.

90 SECONDS OF TORTURE

by ThePeopleISleptWith

We broke up years ago but like clockwork every few months he would contact me, eventually I relapsed. I have this theory that as my ex he has some sixth sense that tells him when I am vulnerable. I didn’t give in quickly but after a while I agreed to go to his house for breakfast.. Given our ridiculous history I should have known what he meant by “breakfast.” I sat at his kitchen table as poured me a bowl of cereal… with no milk. Then he went upstairs to shower. As I sat on his bed playing Xbox hundreds of horrid memories resurfaced. He came back into his room with just a towel on… to be honest I was not surprised. He walked over to me and dropped his towel, dangling his penis in front of my face. Thus began one of my most horrifying sexual experiences. Maybe back when we dated I was just too young or unexperienced to notice that he was so selfish in bed. I felt like I was being attacked or punished. After the 90 seconds of torture I left with no intentions of ever speaking to him again.