The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRU

Tag: drinking

DELETE ALL DRUNK SEXTS AND PRETEND THEY NEVER HAPPENED

by ThePeopleISleptWith

After a few drinks our casual conversation took a sharp turn. I promised myself I would never go back down that road, but he had quite a way with words…. that is if you consider “I’ll make sure you cum,” a way with words. He officially caught my attention. With every  Pickleback shot I took I sent an increasingly suggestive text. I went to bed giddy but woke up full of regret. What my drunk brain perceived as charming in the light of day was clearly cocky. “You love my penis,” – neither endearing nor true. Thanks to me his head grew 3 sizes that day. I had no choice but to delete all the drunk sexts and pretend they never happened.

drunk sext

Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral

by ThePeopleISleptWith

We spent the majority of the afternoon making awkward eye contact from across the bar. After my fifth shot of Jameson he approached me. The second I heard his Irish accident I decided I was going to take him home. Nothing was going to get in my way. About an hour and half later we were stumbling into my apartment. One problem.. it was only 7pm and my roommate and her boyfriend were eating dinner in the living room. I went straight to the bathroom, quickly brushed my teeth and reapplied deodorant. I walked out feeling confident (AKA: drunk) and pulled him into my room in the middle of his conversation with my roommate. I don’t remember much but from what I was told we were pretty loud. My roommate and her boyfriend may have learned a little too much about me that evening and she’ll never let me live it down.

THE OH SHIT LIST

by ThePeopleISleptWith

One Sunday afternoon I found myself in an all too familiar situation… I was on a date and I had no idea. A friend of mine asked me if I wanted to grab a bite, so I met him downtown. A turkey sandwich and three beers later the check came. He grabbed the check quickly and refused to let me pay for my meal and drinks. I know most men thinks it’s the polite thing to do and it is on a first date BUT to my knowledge this wasn’t a date. I couldn’t help but feel obligated to grab a drink with him. A drink turned into several drinks and before I knew it he was inviting me back to his place to “watch a movie.” AlI I wanted was to go home and binge watch Seinfeld until I passed out… but the 40 minute drunk subway ride back to my apartment wasn’t very appealing. One minute I was falling asleep on his couch the next minute we were making out. It’s safe to say it was the alcohol that decided it would be a good idea sleep with him. When I woke up all I could think was OH SHIT. I got dressed while he sat on his bed texting. He looked up at me and said, “I’m not looking for a serious relationship.” WHEN DID I SAY I WAS!? Did he really think a drunk hookup was my way of starting a committed long term relationship? No. I thought we were just grabbing a bite. I left and quickly added him to my list of drunken mistakes.. aka The Oh Shit list. eccb81abf2_tumblr-mltkax8Q071rkiuhro1-400

STOP INTERRUPTING

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Unfortunately there are limited comfortable ways to have sex in a small car. You can sit on top of him, if you want to hit your head on the ceiling. You can do it missionary, if you want to slam your head on the side door… The obvious fog, leather seats and risk of getting caught doesn’t exactly help.

I try to avoid car sex but there are limited options when your drunk and stranded. The seat belt was making an indent on my lower back and I felt a bump forming on my head. I had to say , “Let’s switch positions.” “Stop interrupting,” he said. I didn’t think I was interrupting.. I thought I was communicating. Eventually we were actually interrupted by my friend beeping his car horn next to us. I sat up quickly, exposing my chest to five male teenagers standing next to my car. The bump on my head was no longer the problem.

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THE PERSON I THINK I SLEPT WITH

by ThePeopleISleptWith

My contacts were stuck to my eyes. I could feel his beer breath on the back of my neck. I had underwear and a wife beater on… but no bra. His hands moved slowly from my waist to my ass and it hit me… did I sleep with him? The night prior was a blur. It wasn’t until I saw the finished bottle of Jagermeister on the night stand, next to the White Castle bag, that I realized.. I probably did. Combining alcohol with heartbreak always seems like a good idea, until you end up in someone else’s bed. He sat up, afraid I hid most of my face underneath the covers, as if that would make him go away. I felt a warm kiss on my forehead then he left the room. I should of asked him what happened but I’m not sure I wanted to know. My eyes searched his room for any evidence.. nothing. I got dressed quickly and walked out of his room. Disheveled and disoriented I walked right into the living room where four of his friends were hanging out. After 10 of the most awkward seconds of my life he followed me to the door. ” I had fun,” he said but before he could lean in for a kiss I gave him a high-five. I guess I’ll never know.

scared in bed

OUT COLD

by ThePeopleISleptWith

It was clear that he was beyond hammered when I picked him up from his co-workers party. We had been hanging out for a few weeks and this was the first time I saw him drunk. He could barely communicate with me, but insisted on making out with my tits at every red light.. whether there was a car next to us or not.  I had planned to sleep at his house but when we got there he was out cold. It was the first time I saw this overly confident/cocky guy completely helpless. I put his arm around my neck and attempted to escort him into his house, but he was all dead weight. I tried slapping him, blasting music, twisting his nipples.. nothing worked. There was no way I alone could get him out of my car, let alone into his house. After 30 minutes of trying to wake him up I gave up. I wanted to sleep. I drove back to my house and since there was no way I was even going to attempt to bring him inside for my parents to see I left him in my car…. with the window open. I assumed he would wake up confused so I left a note on his chest with a White Castle receipt. Image