The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRU

Tag: car sex

“IT DOESN’T FIT”

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I kneeled on all fours as he “made love” to me like an animal. This would have been fine if he wasn’t humping me as fast a dog would hump a leg. Although hard and fast sex could be exciting and enjoyable this was not one of those times – parked behind abandoned store in the middle of the day..  it could not have been less sexy. As we drove away he looked at me and said, “It doesn’t fit.” I had no idea what he was talking about. “When I fuck you from behind it doesn’t fit, I can tell, you were fidgeting,” he said proud of his apparently HUGE penis. I explained to him that it was fine, it just didn’t feel good that fast at that moment. Of course he refused to believe me and went on to brag to his friends about how his penis would not fit inside me from behind. The problem was not the size of the wave at all… just the rapid jack-hammering motion of the ocean.

the sweetest thing

8 REASONS I SHOULDN’T OF SLEPT WITH HIM

by ThePeopleISleptWith

adbanner-270
1) He tipped in change, 50 cents to be exact.

2) He told me he already ate when I said I was hungry.

3) He sarcastically suggested a threesome 4 times. Joking or not, one time was more than enough.

4) When the bartender handed me the wrong drink he said, ” She’ll just drink that.” Oh, okay.

5) The nicest thing he said about me was that I had a nice butt.

6) He ordered the exact amount of beers that I said would get me drunk.

7) He clearly does not know the difference between confident man and conceited asshole.

8) He asked me if I came. If you have to ask the answer is no.

20131016-160907.jpg

THE HEAD PUSH GAME

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Our relationship was over, not technically, but we both knew it was only a matter of time. We tried our best to hide our pain during our friends graduation party, but with every beer I grew more annoyed. It got to the point where every single thing he did or said drove me insane. I was mad at him for breathing, yes breathing.. as if he could somehow stop. His laugh sent chills up my spine and his jokes were not longer funny. Unfortunately the alcohol had the opposite effect on him. Tripping over his feet and slurring his speech he begged me to go to his car to “talk.” I sat there looking down awkwardly, as I explained to him how I felt. He placed his hand on the top of my head and slightly rubbed my scalp, consoling me, but all I could think was YOU’RE MESSING UP MY HAIR. After a few second he lightly pushed my head down towards his lap, confused I looked up at him. He did it again, but this time with force. We sat there for five minutes playing the head push game. ((The Head Push Game: When a man continues to push a woman’s head towards his crotch, trying to get her to suck his dick, while the woman lifts her head, clearly denying his request.))  I couldn’t take it anymore so I left the car and broke up with him over the phone.

VOMIT, SWEAT AND TEARS

by ThePeopleISleptWith

He was the last person I expected to show up to my friends party. I told myself I wouldn’t even give him the time of the day.. but I should of known I’d give him more than that. I hoped to at least make him beg for it, but it only took 6 seconds of eye contact before I let him kiss me.. Thank you Tequila. Not long after we went out to his car to “talk.” As he ripped my clothes are off I couldn’t help but worry that being completely naked wasn’t the best idea. I could see my friends in the distance smoking on the porch. A few minutes later our clothes were fully off and the windows were all fogged up BUT nothing was happening. I was personally offended that he couldn’t get hard until he started to vomit. He quickly opened the car door, the interior light turned on and he threw up. I searched for my clothes in order to avoid further embarrassment, but they were under his feet. I wanted to help him but not as much as I didn’t want my friends too see my boobs, so I pushed him aside and got dressed. There was no time for underwear so I stuck my panties in my pocket. Now there is nothing attractive about a penis to begin with, especially a flaccid penis.. but add vomit, sweat and teary eyes..not the best sight. Fifteen frustrating minutes later we returned to the party, I’ll never forget the disgusted look of disapproval on my friend’s faces.

gif danny mcbride eastbound and down kenny powers