The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRUE. Only names, dates and locations were changed to protect the fragile male ego.

Tag: boys

8 REASONS I SHOULDN’T OF SLEPT WITH HIM

by ThePeopleISleptWith

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1) He tipped in change. 50 cents to be exact.

2) He said “he already” ate when I mentioned being hungry.

3) He suggested a threesome with a friend I saw at the bar… four times.

4) When the bartender handed me the wrong drink he said, ” She’ll just drink that.”

5) He only complimented my butt.

6) He ordered the exact amount of beers that I said would get me drunk.

7) He wore the wrong size condom.

8) He asked me if I came. If you have to ask the answer is no.

—-> Instagram

NOT IN HERE

by ThePeopleISleptWith

He didn’t seem to mind that he was the only person who came during our 3 minute romp. I figured when I got up immediately to get dressed that he would take the hint and go home but he stayed in my bed. I left the room for a few minutes to drink some Gatorade and evaluate my life decisions. When I walked back into my bedroom he was still in bed, now lighting a cigarette from my secret pack nonetheless: I immediately yelled “NOT IN HERE!” Not only did he continue to light my cigarette but he didn’t apologize. Shocked, I told him to at least stand by the window. He moved to the window and I sat on my bed, fake texting, hoping that my lack of interest would make him feel uncomfortable and unwanted. Eventually I had to just tell him to leave because I had to wake up early….. I didn’t. But In the middle of gathering his belongings he looked at his phone and told me he was locked out of his apartment… Apparently he lent his key to his roommate who wouldn’t be home until tomorrow. Am I the only person in NYC he knew? Did he not have a friend whose place he could crash at? The disrespect made it was clear he wasn’t my friend. Unfortunately, because I MUST BE LIKED he spent the night. I got up at 8am, got dressed and ready for the job I didn’t have. I walked aimlessly in the opposite direction for ten minutes to make sure he was gone. When I got home I noticed three buds and cigarette ash all over my floor. I can’t understand how but he was shocked when I no longer wanted to see him.

KEGEL EXERCISE

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Over a year ago I decided that 23 was an appropriate age to become a cougar.. I mean I was just getting a head start.  The first time I met him he caught my attention. I proceeded to flirt with him the only way I knew how, as well as my most successful way.. basically shouting “HE’S CUTE.” It wasn’t long before my friends warned me that acting on this crush would land me in jail…. he was 17.  I ran into him a year later and he asked me to hang out. For the first time I was glad I look like a High School senior. We grabbed some forties of Old English.. should have been my first sign… and went to a party. His confidence was a turn on. As soon as we were alone he ripped my clothes off and immediately attempted to insert himself inside of me. I was shocked when I felt absolutely nothing. Well my vagina is too big!  WHO DID THIS TO ME!? I started doing Kegel exercises as he hovered above me. Squeezing and letting go, over and over. I felt horrible…. until I looked down. He wasn’t even inside me. He continued moaning while poking me with his flaccid penis.  Relieved but turned off, I told him it wasn’t working.. to which he replied, ” Give me head then, I want to nut.” NUT!? I turned around and put my clothes on.

You can catch me doing Kegel’s every morning while I blow dry my hair… just incase.

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PERIOD PANTIES

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I knew he would be at my friends party and unfortunately I knew I wouldn’t be able to control myself around him. BUT I had a plan, I didn’t shave my legs and purposely wore period panties.. that way no matter what he said or how I felt I wouldn’t hook up with him. Four margaritas later I regretted that decision. I should of known there was no possible way to avoid forgiving him the second he looked into my eyes. I have to admire him for it, it’s a talent. I searched my friends bathroom for a razor and stupidly dry shaved my legs as fast as I could. One problem solved but I was still wearing period panties. I went back to his house anyway. As he kissed me all I could think about was how embarrassed I was going to be when he saw what was underneath BUT he ripped my clothes off too fast to notice, RELIEF. We finished and he went to the bathroom. I got dressed quickly but couldn’t find my underwear. His room was a mess, stuff all over the floor. I quickly put my leggings on. He kissed me romantically as my eyes continued to search the room. Just when I was about to give up and never speak to him again I found them by the door. I quickly shoved them into my purse. The moment I arrived home I threw them in the trash.