The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRU

Tag: boyfriend

SHE COULDN’T HAVE WAITED?

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Like most 17 year olds I had to find sneaky ways to have sex with my boyfriend in my parents house. Luckily we had a basement. It was the perfect place to have sex since you could hear the door open, leaving just enough time to get dressed… that was until one day. We were going at it, completely naked, with the TV blasting and didn’t hear my mom coming downstairs. One second everything was fine then out of nowhere there my mom was standing in the doorway, with a perfect view of my boyfriend’s ass. She screamed, “OH MY GOD!”  ran upstairs and slammed the door. Still inside me, he looked into my eyes and said, “What the fuck, she couldn’t have waited until I came?”

Tall Cans and Hibachi

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Directly after consuming three 24 oz’s of Coors Light, rather quickly, I pulled my boyfriend into his bedroom. I don’t know if it was the expensive Hibachi dinner we had earlier or the tall cans I basically chugged but all I wanted to do was go down on him. Out of nowhere a few minutes in I felt slightly queasy. I tried to ignore it but it wasn’t long before I felt that all to familiar, uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that never ends well. My immediate reaction was to run into the bathroom but I could tell he was really close. I wasn’t about to walk away now.. .all that work for nothing, nah. I knew he was only seconds away, so I made the decision to keep going. Each second he was closer to cumming and I was closer to vomiting privately in the comfort of the bathroom. Just as I saw the light at the end of this nauseating tunnel I lost control. He came as I waited for him to notice the small amount of regurgitated Hibachi on his dick. Luckily for me he had no idea.. that or he’s pretending that it never happened, either way lesson learned. 

INTERNET STALKING

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I’m over him, no longer interested, it’s been a while since we last hooked up but… after a recent sex dream I NEED to know what his new girlfriend looks like. I’m not proud of this but it’s not like I’m driving past his house or calling him then hanging up.. it’s just an innocent click away. We all have done it. You click on her page because what else do you have to do? I KNOW – Why would you waste time and energy unless you’re threatened by it? Maybe because it’s just that easy. PROBLEM: Her Facebook page is private and the only thing I can see is 4 profile pictures.

PICTURE 1: The “I love my friends” group picture of 6 girls. No one really stands out.

PICTURE 2: The “Bestie” with 2 out of the 6 girls. Okay narrowed it down it down to 2.

PICTURE 3: The “Weird abstract angle with dim lighting.” Her long curly black hair not only covers most of her face but doesn’t match the hair of either 2 girls. DAMN IT.

PICTURE 4: An inspirational meme. USELESS.

After a few minutes of studying the few facial features I could see in picture 3 and searching twitter and Instagram, I gave up. Maybe it was for the best, I could of easily accidentally liked a picture or favorited a tweet.

interent stalking

SUBMITTED POST: BAD TIMING

by ThePeopleISleptWith

After a year of dating I decided to try anal sex with my boyfriend. Even though I read a few unforgettable horror stories I also knew some women who really enjoyed it, so why not? I prepared for it like a research paper, reading blogs and finding the best lubricant. It went surprisingly well and I woke up the next morning feeling happy and satisfied, aside from the slight discomfort and cramping. Before I got the chance to share the juicy story with my female co-workers I was rushed off to morning meeting. We sat around a square table in the conference room discussing our goals for the day when the trapped air from the night before released without warning. In other words I farted, a few of my co-workers knew exactly why and couldn’t help but giggle. Air is pushed into the area by the in and out motion….  the air had to go somewhere, it’s anatomy. Your body simply needs to return to its unexpanded state… I just wish it could of happened at a better time.

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bad timing

90 SECONDS OF TORTURE

by ThePeopleISleptWith

We broke up years ago but like clockwork every few months he would contact me, eventually I relapsed. I have this theory that as my ex he has some sixth sense that tells him when I am vulnerable. I didn’t give in quickly but after a while I agreed to go to his house for breakfast.. Given our ridiculous history I should have known what he meant by “breakfast.” I sat at his kitchen table as poured me a bowl of cereal… with no milk. Then he went upstairs to shower. As I sat on his bed playing Xbox hundreds of horrid memories resurfaced. He came back into his room with just a towel on… to be honest I was not surprised. He walked over to me and dropped his towel, dangling his penis in front of my face. Thus began one of my most horrifying sexual experiences. Maybe back when we dated I was just too young or unexperienced to notice that he was so selfish in bed. I felt like I was being attacked or punished. After the 90 seconds of torture I left with no intentions of ever speaking to him again.

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