The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRU

Tag: beer

8 REASONS I SHOULDN’T OF SLEPT WITH HIM

by ThePeopleISleptWith

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1) He tipped in change, 50 cents to be exact.

2) He told me he already ate when I said I was hungry.

3) He sarcastically suggested a threesome 4 times. Joking or not, one time was more than enough.

4) When the bartender handed me the wrong drink he said, ” She’ll just drink that.” Oh, okay.

5) The nicest thing he said about me was that I had a nice butt.

6) He ordered the exact amount of beers that I said would get me drunk.

7) He clearly does not know the difference between confident man and conceited asshole.

8) He asked me if I came. If you have to ask the answer is no.

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Tall Cans and Hibachi

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Directly after consuming three 24 oz’s of Coors Light, rather quickly, I pulled my boyfriend into his bedroom. I don’t know if it was the expensive Hibachi dinner we had earlier or the tall cans I basically chugged but all I wanted to do was go down on him. Out of nowhere a few minutes in I felt slightly queasy. I tried to ignore it but it wasn’t long before I felt that all to familiar, uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that never ends well. My immediate reaction was to run into the bathroom but I could tell he was really close. I wasn’t about to walk away now.. .all that work for nothing, nah. I knew he was only seconds away, so I made the decision to keep going. Each second he was closer to cumming and I was closer to vomiting privately in the comfort of the bathroom. Just as I saw the light at the end of this nauseating tunnel I lost control. He came as I waited for him to notice the small amount of regurgitated Hibachi on his dick. Luckily for me he had no idea.. that or he’s pretending that it never happened, either way lesson learned. 

THE OH SHIT LIST

by ThePeopleISleptWith

One Sunday afternoon I found myself in an all too familiar situation… I was on a date and I had no idea. A friend of mine asked me if I wanted to grab a bite, so I met him downtown. A turkey sandwich and three beers later the check came. He grabbed the check quickly and refused to let me pay for my meal and drinks. I know most men thinks it’s the polite thing to do and it is on a first date BUT to my knowledge this wasn’t a date. I couldn’t help but feel obligated to grab a drink with him. A drink turned into several drinks and before I knew it he was inviting me back to his place to “watch a movie.” AlI I wanted was to go home and binge watch Seinfeld until I passed out… but the 40 minute drunk subway ride back to my apartment wasn’t very appealing. One minute I was falling asleep on his couch the next minute we were making out. It’s safe to say it was the alcohol that decided it would be a good idea sleep with him. When I woke up all I could think was OH SHIT. I got dressed while he sat on his bed texting. He looked up at me and said, “I’m not looking for a serious relationship.” WHEN DID I SAY I WAS!? Did he really think a drunk hookup was my way of starting a committed long term relationship? No. I thought we were just grabbing a bite. I left and quickly added him to my list of drunken mistakes.. aka The Oh Shit list. eccb81abf2_tumblr-mltkax8Q071rkiuhro1-400

THE PERSON I THINK I SLEPT WITH

by ThePeopleISleptWith

My contacts were stuck to my eyes. I could feel his beer breath on the back of my neck. I had underwear and a wife beater on… but no bra. His hands moved slowly from my waist to my ass and it hit me… did I sleep with him? The night prior was a blur. It wasn’t until I saw the finished bottle of Jagermeister on the night stand, next to the White Castle bag, that I realized.. I probably did. Combining alcohol with heartbreak always seems like a good idea, until you end up in someone else’s bed. He sat up, afraid I hid most of my face underneath the covers, as if that would make him go away. I felt a warm kiss on my forehead then he left the room. I should of asked him what happened but I’m not sure I wanted to know. My eyes searched his room for any evidence.. nothing. I got dressed quickly and walked out of his room. Disheveled and disoriented I walked right into the living room where four of his friends were hanging out. After 10 of the most awkward seconds of my life he followed me to the door. ” I had fun,” he said but before he could lean in for a kiss I gave him a high-five. I guess I’ll never know.

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SEXUAL HEALING

by ThePeopleISleptWith

The second he walked into the bar I wanted him. Thanks to my awkward “flirting,” the only thing I knew about him when I left was his first name and a few people he hung out with. I immediately searched for him on Facebook – 30min later I found him. It was way too soon to add him, especially since we had only two mutual friends, so I went to bed. I woke up to a friend request… ehhhh. OK I spent 30 min searching for him but I didn’t request to be his friend. I was no longer interested – crazy, I know…

A month later, after starring at a picture of his perfect face, I changed my mind. We made plans to meet at a bar. It was my first “date” in a year so I consumed two beers and took two shots before he arrived. The “date” started out fine, he was as handsome as I remembered and kind. After an hour he suggested we go to a Karaoke Bar. A Karaoke Bar to me means singing “Chicken Fried” obnoxiously or rapping a Missy Elliot song – obviously as a joke. We put in our song requests and continued drinking. When his turn came up I asked him what he was going to sing. I thought he said “Sexual Seduction,” by Snoop Dog.. which would have been hilarious BUT I heard wrong… He got up on stage and seriously sang “Sexual Healing,” by Marvin Gaye. WAS HE TRYING TO SEDUCE ME!? WAS HE HINTING THAT HE WANTED TO HEAL ME SEXUALLY!? MAKE ME FEEL SO FINE? HELP RELIEVE MY MIND? He starred deep into my eyes the entire time, as I fidgeted in my chair trying my best not to cringe. Although the “date” ended for me right there I tried to enjoy the night so I kept drinking. As I got up to sing he moved his hand from my shoulder and GRABBED my butt. NO he didn’t graze it.. he grabbed it, I felt violated. Of course I turned my cheek when he tried to kiss me Goodbye.

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