The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRUE. Only names, dates and locations were changed to protect the fragile male ego.

Tag: awkward

SEX, DRUGS, THEN PLEASE LEAVE.

by ThePeopleISleptWith

“Want to see my Beat Laboratory?”

…You had me at the Step Brothers reference. I followed you in giving you my usual rant about not being a relationship person – See it’s best to sabotage any chance for feelings ASAP. This way you’ll never even have to know if they liked you enough to date you. It’s all about creating the illusion that you’re control while you spend your nights drinking alone.

Maybe it was your Bob Dylan impression, LOST obsession, cute butt, the free weed or genuine love for Twisted Tea but we fucked on your unmade bed. Then again at my place. During the second time around you came in my mouth and I grabbed a glass of lemon water I had sitting on my nightstand. It wasn’t until I took a large gulp that I realized the lemon in the water had rotted. I was now drinking one of my infamous science experiments.

{ Lemon + Water + Leave for 2+ days } I swallowed.

After, you got dressed you told me you weren’t looking for anything serious. I paused. Just what you want to hear before you’ve fully digested someone’s cum. The taste still lingered in my mouth. You left. I got high on your weed and deleted your number.

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THE PERSON I THINK I SLEPT WITH

by ThePeopleISleptWith

My contacts were stuck to my eyes. I could feel his beer breath on the back of my neck. I had underwear and a wife beater on… but no bra. His hands moved slowly from my waist to my ass… did I sleep with him? The night prior was a blur. It wasn’t until I saw the bottle of Jagermeister on the night stand, next to the White Castle bag, that I realized.. I probably did. He sat up, afraid I hid most of my face underneath the covers, as if that could magically make him go away. I felt a warm kiss on my forehead then he left the room. I should of asked him what happened but I’m not sure I wanted to know. I got dressed quickly and walked out of his room. Disheveled and disoriented I walked right into the living room where four of his friends were hanging out. After 10 of the most awkward seconds of my life he followed me to the door. ” I had fun,” he said but before he could lean in for a kiss I gave him a high-five. I guess I’ll never know.