The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRUE. Only names, dates and locations were changed to protect the fragile male ego.

Tag: arrested development

AN ODE TO THE UNCIRCUMCISED

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I pretended to be much more intoxicated than I was when I asked him for a ride home. He drove to my house, parked and invited me to the back seat. My plan was to kiss him, hopefully making him want more and then go straight to bed. But my lack of self control prevailed and I joined him in the backseat.

That’s when I saw my first uncut penis…. It was like a hermit crab coming out of its shell. A bald head popping threw a turtle neck. Was it attractive? No. But I’ve yet to see a dick that is. Most importantly it felt good. Fifteen minutes later I was fully satisfied and an advocate of the Uncircumcised Penis.

Lindsay Bluth, Arrested Development, said it best “It’s a Doberman, let it have its ears.”

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THREE PUMPS

by ThePeopleISleptWith

After six months of heavy drinking, good friends and various hallalifonogens. I got over my ex. Of course that’s when he decided to text me. It didn’t help that I was just drunk enough to think that answering him was a good idea. I wasn’t surprised when the friendly conversation quickly turned sexual. Or when he picked me up later that night and drove to our “spot”… next to a dumpster behind a car dealership. We quickly moved to the back seat and he ripped off my clothes. I guess he thought that texting was enough foreplay because he just stuck it right in. One pump, two pumps, three pumps and he was done.