The People I Slept With.




by ThePeopleISleptWith

Like most 17 year olds I had to find sneaky ways to have sex with my boyfriend in my parents house. Luckily we had a basement. It was the perfect place to have sex since you could hear the door open, leaving just enough time to get dressed… that was until one day. We were going at it, completely naked, with the TV blasting and didn’t hear my mom coming downstairs. One second everything was fine then out of nowhere there my mom was standing in the doorway, with a perfect view of my boyfriend’s ass. She screamed, “OH MY GOD!”  ran upstairs and slammed the door. Still inside me, he looked into my eyes and said, “What the fuck, she couldn’t have waited until I came?”


by ThePeopleISleptWith

I immediately regretted my decision to wait and pee at his place when I saw that his toilet bowl was out of order. I reviewed my options. (1) I could use the bathroom in the hallway.. risking running into his parents. (2) I could tell him I was going to pee outside.. showing my true, unlady-like ways. I went with my last option… (3) HOLD IT IN. Obviously I should have just left but my exact text to him was – “Coming over to have sexual intercourse with you.” Yeah I said “sexual intercourse”.. it seemed more elegant than – “coming over to fuck you.” Of course I’m aware there was nothing elegant about any of this to begin with.  He picked me up and threw me onto the bed. Thus began the most uncomfortable sexual experience of my life- so far.  All I could think was do not pee on him or his sheets. After fifteen minutes of serious concentration – he came. I quickly ran to my car and stopped at the first Dunkin’ Donuts I saw.


by ThePeopleISleptWith

Our relationship was over, not technically, but we both knew it was only a matter of time. We tried our best to hide our pain during our friends graduation party, but with every beer I grew more annoyed. It got to the point where every single thing he did or said drove me insane. I was mad at him for breathing, yes breathing.. as if he could somehow stop. His laugh sent chills up my spine and his jokes were not longer funny. Unfortunately the alcohol had the opposite effect on him. Tripping over his feet and slurring his speech he begged me to go to his car to “talk.” I sat there looking down awkwardly, as I explained to him how I felt. He placed his hand on the top of my head and slightly rubbed my scalp, consoling me, but all I could think was YOU’RE MESSING UP MY HAIR. After a few second he lightly pushed my head down towards his lap, confused I looked up at him. He did it again, but this time with force. We sat there for five minutes playing the head push game. ((The Head Push Game: When a man continues to push a woman’s head towards his crotch, trying to get her to suck his dick, while the woman lifts her head, clearly denying his request.))  I couldn’t take it anymore so I left the car and broke up with him over the phone.


by ThePeopleISleptWith

He was the last person I expected to show up to my friends party. I told myself I wouldn’t even give him the time of the day.. but I should of known I’d give him more than that. I hoped to at least make him beg for it, but it only took 6 seconds of eye contact before I let him kiss me.. Thank you Tequila. Not long after we went out to his car to “talk.” As he ripped my clothes are off I couldn’t help but worry that being completely naked wasn’t the best idea. I could see my friends in the distance smoking on the porch. A few minutes later our clothes were fully off and the windows were all fogged up BUT nothing was happening. I was personally offended that he couldn’t get hard until he started to vomit. He quickly opened the car door, the interior light turned on and he threw up. I searched for my clothes in order to avoid further embarrassment, but they were under his feet. I wanted to help him but not as much as I didn’t want my friends too see my boobs, so I pushed him aside and got dressed. There was no time for underwear so I stuck my panties in my pocket. Now there is nothing attractive about a penis to begin with, especially a flaccid penis.. but add vomit, sweat and teary eyes..not the best sight. Fifteen frustrating minutes later we returned to the party, I’ll never forget the disgusted look of disapproval on my friend’s faces.

gif danny mcbride eastbound and down kenny powers


by ThePeopleISleptWith

We were celebrating the end of mid-terms at a bar close to school.  We spent the entire night isolated in the corner talking about our goals while our classmates mingled. He rested his hand on my leg as he gazed into my eyes, making me feel like I was the only person in the room. He invited me back to his apartment to watch Django Unchained .. although I had a feeling that wasn’t the real plan. We sat on his couch in silence until I made a comment about Jamie Foxx’s amazing penis. “Ha, what about this?” He said as he took my hand and placed it on his dick. The ball was in my court but WHAT WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO? I wanted him since the first day of class but certainly not like this. When I touch a penis I prefer for it it to be my decision. In a state of shock I starred forward avoiding eye contact. I guess I thought maybe if I ignored it we could pretend it never happened. After a very uncomfortable 30 seconds I moved my hand and stood up. I told him I needed to go home and he hugged me goodbye. Sadly, the cute boy from class is now the boy I’m glad I didn’t sleep with.