The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRU

Category: MAKE UP SEX

HATE SEX

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I spent three years imagining different scenarios where I would punch him in the face, but one Sunday night I found myself on my way to his house. Although I should have been focused on all the horrible things he said and did years ago, I couldn’t help but reminisce with him about the fun times.. AKA sex. What is it about sex with someone you truly hate that is so great? That night I got my answer – the sex was about ME. Unlike guys I’ve liked or tried to impress, the only person I cared about pleasing was myself. Peace out shame and insecurities.. anything I wanted I did. The position I wanted, the speed I wanted. I even left before he came… revenge motherfucker. 

THREE PUMPS

by ThePeopleISleptWith

After six months of heavy drinking, good friends and great weed I got over my ex. Of course that’s when he decided to text me. It didn’t help that I was just drunk enough to think that answering him was a good idea. After a few more beers I would of been too busy singing “Man I Feel Like A Women” to reply. I shouldn’t of been surprised when the friendly conversation quickly turned sexual. Later that night he picked me up and drove to our “spot” …that use to be romantic.  We quickly moved to the back seat and he ripped off my clothes. I guess he thought that texting was enough foreplay because he just stuck it right in. One pump, two pumps, three pumps and he was done.

MEDIOCRE

by ThePeopleISleptWith

For us bickering was foreplay. Was it our sarcastic nature, desire to disagree, or did we actually just hate each-other? Regardless, we certainly liked having sex.  If you over heard or read our conversations you would think we were both conceited assholes. I never called him “Babe” just “Idiot” or  “Jerk.” No conversation ever started with “Hey,” they started with ” F U,” or “Shut up.”  Instead of simply saying what he wanted he argued that I wanted it more, even when he started the conversation..  I guess he must of had the ability to read my mind. I can’t explain why but I liked being told what I wanted…. strictly in the bedroom that is. Although we constantly insulted and made fun of each-other… the sex was certainly no joke.

The antagonizing even continued the second it was over. He would always ask me how it was and regardless of how good it was I would respond “eh mediocre.”

sex

90 SECONDS OF TORTURE

by ThePeopleISleptWith

We broke up years ago but like clockwork every few months he would contact me, eventually I relapsed. I have this theory that as my ex he has some sixth sense that tells him when I am vulnerable. I didn’t give in quickly but after a while I agreed to go to his house for breakfast.. Given our ridiculous history I should have known what he meant by “breakfast.” I sat at his kitchen table as poured me a bowl of cereal… with no milk. Then he went upstairs to shower. As I sat on his bed playing Xbox hundreds of horrid memories resurfaced. He came back into his room with just a towel on… to be honest I was not surprised. He walked over to me and dropped his towel, dangling his penis in front of my face. Thus began one of my most horrifying sexual experiences. Maybe back when we dated I was just too young or unexperienced to notice that he was so selfish in bed. I felt like I was being attacked or punished. After the 90 seconds of torture I left with no intentions of ever speaking to him again.

ll

 

THIS ISN’T A PORNO

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I knew it was our first and last time having sex when he entered me saying ” You like that don’t you… slut.” UHH, I ACTUALLY DON’T ANYMORE.  I thought all men knew that porn is not an accurate depiction of sex.. I was wrong. I’ve never been good at dirty talking, maybe I’m too awkward to think of something to say, but THIS ISN’T A PORNO. It was hard not to laugh when he asked me to tell him how much I liked his thriving huge cock in my wet… yeah I can’t even type it BUT you get the point. I tried to hide my shocked reaction as he quickly moved from one strange uncomfortable position to the next strange uncomfortable position. It was clear that he didn’t know the difference between porn sex and real sex.

First of all your penis is statistically not the same size as the men in those videos – which is a good thing. Of course size matters, but most girls don’t want to make love to a midgets arm.  Sex usually doesn’t last an hour and I’m not a stranger you picked up off the street.. you just dropped 100 bucks on dinner.

Porn stars are not real people. What looks like a great on video may not translate well into a real-life sexual encounter with the girl your dating.

love