The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRUE. Only names, dates and locations were changed to protect the fragile male ego.

Kegel’s and Tequila

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Shortly after turning 23 I forced my college roommate to join me on a five hour road-trip to party with some friends…. and not at all to hook up with a professional skateboarder who had just turned 18. I had met him back a few years ago when I would have ended up in jail for acting on my crush. In my defense our mutual friends were my age and he was kind-of famous. So yes I, a 23 year old sort-of professional woman crossed state lines for dick.

After the party we went back to his mom’s house. A few unnecessary Tequila shots later we made our way to his waterbed. I had played the scenario out several times in my head the weeks prior but surprise, surprise things were not going as planned. He seemed to be enjoying himself but I felt nothing. A wave of panic consumed me. I can’t feel him inside me, how big is my vagina? I started doing kegel exercises underneath him frustrated with my apparently huge vagina.

Just as I had accepted my fate I looked down and noticed something odd. He was not inside me. His body was just laying on top of me, dick just kinda flapping over my stomach like a fish out of water. Relief.

“You’re not inside me,” I said politely tapping his shoulder.

” Can I at least nut?” he slurred, eyes glazed over. I got right out of bed and spent the night in the bathroom tub.

Fast forward seven years. I’m a 30 year old professional woman who sleeps with men her own age. Out of curiosity while telling my co workers about my traumatic experience as a cougar I looked him up. First thing that showed up on goggle was his date of birth. 10/20/1995. He had just turned 17 not 18. I quickly looked up the age of consent for the state we were in and to my relief I’m not technically a felon.

OH BABY I LIKE IT RAW

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Shortly after consuming three rolls of Sushi and four Sake Bombs I pulled my date into his bedroom. I had recently learned a new move – the “Gluck Gluck 9000” and I was ready to try it out. I began giving it my all… a pathetic attempt to make this mediocre man obsessed with me. Things seemed to be going according to plan when suddenly I felt queasy. At first I tried push through knowing I was only moments away from a triumph finish.

Please cum before I vomit I prayed, sweat dripping from my forehead as I performed the “Gluck Gluck” like a professional. I wasn’t about to walk away… all that hard work for nothing…no way. I had a job to finish so I kept going. Each second he was closer to cumming and I was closer to vomiting privately in the comfort of the bathroom. Just as I saw the light at the end of this nauseating tunnel I lost control. He came as I waited for him to notice the small but noticeable amount of regurgitated Sushi on his dick. Luckily for me he had no idea.. that or he’s pretending that it never happened, either way lesson learned. 

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