The People I Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRUE. Only names, dates and locations were changed to protect the fragile male ego.

PUBIC HAIR STYLIST

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Recently I came across an article about the fun shapes one can shave their pubic hair into. I was intrigued and very bored so I attempted “The Martini Glass.” Turns out it’s much harder than it looks. I was off to a rough start and things just went down hill from there. I won’t lie… It wasn’t good. To my credit it did slightly resemble a martini glass but no I wasn’t about to show it off and quit my day job.

I forgot about my short-lived career as a pubic hair stylist and went about my day. That night I unexpectedly ran into my friend with benefits. I had completely forgot about the deformed Martini glass until he took off my underwear. He inspected it. “It’s a Martini Glass…” I shrugged. He laughed and high-fived me. I think I fell in love a little.

DELETE ALL DRUNK SEXTS AND PRETEND THEY NEVER HAPPENED

by ThePeopleISleptWith

What started as a casual conversation took a sharp turn around 11:00pm. I promised myself I wouldn’t go down this road again but had quite a way with words…. that is if you consider “I’ll make sure you cum,” a way with words. With every Pickleback shot I took I sent an increasingly suggestive text. I went to bed giddy but woke up full of regret. What my drunk brain perceived as charming in the light of day was quite the opposite. The angle of his dick pics were questionable and the “You love my penis,” text was neither endearing nor true. Thanks to me his head grew 3 sizes that day. I had no choice but to delete all the drunk sexts and pretend they never happened.