by ThePeopleISleptWith

As a female, I have heard a great many pick-up lines over the years. There’s the classic cheesy ones about whether it hurt when you fell out of heaven and whether you have a mirror in your pants (because I can see myself in them). One of my personal favs was the guy who said, “I don’t like pick-up lines but I really want to have sex with you, so can we fuck?” (We did.) The weirdest and most awkward pick-up lines, though, seem to be the non-verbal ones. In 2008, I was living in Ithaca, hanging out with the hippie types for which the town is so well known. Through those drug-addled hippie circles, I met a skinny white kid who we’ll call John. John came over to my apartment to hang out and smoke pot and such. I was seated on one end of my bed, wearing a skirt and sandals. He was seated on the other end, not saying much. It would have been an optimal time for a verbal pick-up line of some type — or even just a friendly conversation. Instead, John picked up my foot and began licking it. I stared at him in shock, wondering what his next move would be. Would he try to have sex with my foot? Urinate on it? Masturbate while licking? After all, when foot-licking is the very first move, presumably it’s only going to get weirder from there on out. Before I could overcome my shock and react, my phone rang and I jumped to answer it; saved by the bell. Ultimately John and I never slept together as I assiduously avoided ever being alone with him again. And I avoided wearing sandals the rest of the summer.